I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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