evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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