You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
