so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
