You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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