Already got asked if we're dating
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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