Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
