Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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