New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
