The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
