idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Vodka?
Forever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
