I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
