Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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