I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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