I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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