someone threw a dead crab at me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
