Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
