the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize