I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
