And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize