when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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