I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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