Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize