i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
