sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
