im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
