this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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