her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
