I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
