i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She even gives head with a lisp.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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