Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
