im drinking this country out of the recession.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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