My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
