STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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