Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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