Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
