Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
