I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
