it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
