White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
