sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
