I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
