she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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