It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
