Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
