i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
