Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
