those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
