my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
