Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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