A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
