The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Randomize
