i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
