woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
