so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
