Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So much Jack, so little girl.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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