A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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