Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
