Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
