Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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