don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
