I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize