guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
