Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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