Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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