If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
