I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize