It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
