I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
