Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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