I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
