You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
