I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
