I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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