Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
