i barfeds in our rink
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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