Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
