Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
