In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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