I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
