Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
