Tell her she can't have a vagina
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
